Crescendo

by Ella

I should have written this a long time ago.  It’s a follow-up to D’s last post, and especially when we were featured again in AAG’s Fleshbot roundup (thanks!), I wanted to capitalize on the readership spike.  Unfortunately, the post didn’t happen.  I’ve been busy with the beginning of the semester and the end of my college career, and I just couldn’t make it work.  But I do want to share some thoughts on what Dylan wrote about a few weeks ago, and it is never too late for that, as far as I am concerned.

For me, sexuality has a ton of forward momentum.  I’m sure many people would agree with that assessment — no matter what you’re doing, sexual activity is moving, however indirectly, to some moment of climax or completion.  Often orgasm; but gentle, teasing caresses on my stomach and inner thigh lead my lover’s fingers to plunge deeply into me, and as I softly swirl my tongue around the head of his cock he begs not for orgasmic release, but just for me to take all of him into my mouth.  Everything is leading somewhere.  Nearly every sexual act seems to have not only a firm sense of direction but also an instinctive understanding of the timing of the progression, and I think that for this reason, for all that I love it, oral sex can be troublesome for me.  For Dylan and me, oral sex is strictly foreplay.  I have never been able to cum during oral, as I think I have mentioned before, and while I have sucked him to orgasm a time or two, particularly before I lost my virginity, nowadays D likes to save it so he can fuck me when I’m done enjoying the taste of his dick.  Oral sex, for us, isn’t particularly leading anywhere.  There is no definite endpoint, no sexual zenith, and while there is an understanding that we’re ultimately going to fuck, the moment of his transition from my mouth to my pussy never seems to approached by the act of the blowjob itself.

I realize all of that sounds like an incredibly esoteric way to describe cocksucking; but suffice it to say that while I love sucking Dylan’s dick, love it beyond all reason, the act has very little momentum for me.  I am eager to get my mouth on him and I know exactly when and how to do it, but once I’m down there, I always find myself grappling with the problem of when to leave.  Of course, sometimes he helps me out.  Sometimes he grabs me by the hair or the leash around my neck and jerks me up to eye level so he can hungrily suck his flavor from my lips and push his dick hard into me, and sometimes he flips me over onto my back and shoves his face between my legs so he can get a taste of his own.  Other times, though, I find myself making a more or less arbitrary decision about when the blowjob ends (because really, I could suck him all day), and in some small way I find this aesthetically unsatisfying.

About ten hours after Dylan wrote his last post, he was on a bus to Philadelphia, and two hours after that he was in my apartment.  That night, we maneuvered into one of our favorite new foreplay techniques.  This time, I lay on my side and he knelt by my head and fucked my mouth slowly and deliberately.  As his groans increased, my cunt began to ache in a way that it normally doesn’t from the simple act of sucking cock.  I was gripped by a powerful desire for him to increase the speed of his movement in and out of my mouth.  I pulled back, and as he dove in for a breathless kiss I murmured agaisnt his anxious lips and tongue that I wanted him to fuck my mouth faster.  Happy to oblige, he shoved his cock back into my mouth at a quicker pace, and I immediately realized exactly what I wanted.  I pulled back yet again and gasped that what I truly and desperately wanted was for him to fuck my mouth exactly the way he would fuck my pussy.  I wanted him to speed up because I know his sexual rhythms, and I knew from the tenor of his moans that if he had his cock buried in me he would have started pumping me faster and harder.  Our new game had an unintended and unexpected consequence for me: it replicated sex closely enough that it allowed me borrow that familiar crecendo.  Everything I love about a blowjob, with the momentum of a good, hard fuck.

We did not do exactly what I wanted that night.  Excited as I was by the idea of taking the blowjob all the way to completion, the reality was that I still wanted to get fucked, as I always do.  After the buildup of the enhanced oral experience, though, I came harder than I have in a long time.  Someday I’d like to complete it.  I doubt he’ll argue.

~ by Ella on January 26, 2009.