A followup

by Dylan

So, Ella and I have turned off the filth temporarily. I’m OK with that. So long as it’s only temporary, that is.

My girl mentioned her desire in her last post to delineate that which is and that which isn’t available to our readership. Naturally, although we’re letting you into our bedroom to view our intimacy, there are things which won’t show up online. There’s a part of each of us that’s private enough that we won’t post here about it, and Ella wants to clarify in advance where that line is drawn.

In general, she’s much more deliberate than I am about such things. Ella spends a lot of time thinking about the future – her future and our future. Where will we be in a few months, a few years. How long will we be together. We had a conversation recently in which we acknowledged the possibility that we’ll someday get married. It’s not probable, we agree, but possible. That’s a subject for another post. The point is that the long look ahead, while common for her, is atypical for me. She’s a planner. I believe things work out naturally because of our natural trust.

This, in part, is why I don’t worry as much as her about clarifying what does and doesn’t go on the blog. It all comes down to how well we know each other. In any good relationship, there’s an unspoken knowledge about the other person. A good significant other knows his or her partner well enough to judge their needs and reactions without it being spoken. I can remember a time, recently, when I was at my baby’s apartment, and though she didn’t say a thing, I could tell something was upsetting her, based on nothing more than the way she rested her head on my chest. It was subtle, barely noticeable, but I’m so in tune with her that I didn’t have to ask if anything was wrong. I had to ask what was bothering her. Similarly, she’s often known, before even bringing it up to me, exactly where I’ll stand on some political or social matter. I don’t want to turn this blog into a political soapbox, but suffice it to say I have very strong principles, and Ella is familiar enough with them to know exactly how I’ll react to something. We’re tuned into one another. All our little quirks are so familiar to the other.

This is why I don’t worry about laying out what is and isn’t OK to post. Ella and I know the limits the other would set even without saying it. I trust her. I know that when she has an idea about posting something, I won’t have to tell her whether or not it’s allowed. She’ll know. And I suspect my girl has the same trust in me.

But there is a distinct way in which we are different. For Ella, sex can be purely physical. For me, it cannot. We spoke recently about the idea of an open relationship. This isn’t going to happen any time soon, but she said she would be able to handle the idea of sleeping with someone else and making it pure sex with no attachment. Sex, for me, isn’t just physical. It can be filthy, as you should know, reader, but even the dirtiest of sex for me has love in it. I love my baby. Madly, insanely, passionately love her. And that’s the reason I can have such wonderful sex with her. I wonder if the reason she senses so much love from reading my posts is that, even though I don’t say it, she knows that when I talk about sex with her, I’m also talking about my love for her. She knows me so well that I don’t have to say it.

At the same time, I don’t at all mind saying it. She’s the most beautiful sight in the world in my eyes.

~ by Dylan on October 31, 2008.